Everyone else should pay close attention to their nicknames before they try thinking their way through problems.
Current boss Laurent (Mont) Blanc began massaging his temples several days before playing world champions Spain. He decided on a lineup featuring three fullbacks at the expense of creative midfielders. It was a bold stroke.
Stupid. But bold.
France has earned a bad reputation as the most uncoachable big team in world soccer. They famously walked out on their previous manager in South Africa. Blanc was brought in because he was a former player, and one young enough that the kids could remember him. It didn’t help.
After a minor revolt in the dressing room following their final group stage loss to Sweden — Arrete les trains! Hit the streets! — Blanc foolishly responded by trying to assert his non-existent authority.
Blanc’s punitive brainchild was a team robbed of its two top creators here, Samir Nasri and Jeremy Menez, and stacked full of clueless defenders. This might have worked against Ireland, or perhaps the Ontario provincial team. If it was supposed to impress the current world champions, Spain, they saved their congratulations for afterward.
Despite their sociopathic reputation, this Spain team prefers the professional kill — they hit you once, then wait for you to die.
Spain began pressuring from the start, a soft, possession-based press. In the 19th minute, despite a basketball team’s worth of defenders, it was winger Florent Malouda who was left guarding the keep as Andres Iniesta slotted one through to two-way fullback Jordi Alba.
Malouda’s defensive answer to was begin sliding forward, hands extended, hoping to pick the ball out of the air with his fingers. Alba skipped by him and drove a ball back through the middle, where Xabi Alonso speared it into the net with his head.
Xabi is one of the world’s most thoughtful players, but one who works from distance and with his feet. He’s unused to using his head near goal. This was a nice surprise. Someone from the Fédération Française de Football was probably making a note.
But Xabi has a lot of work still to do. If he wants to be the next France manager, he’s going to want to start by getting people to call him Los Burro or the Asesino de los Suenos.
Trailing by a goal to the most determined lead defenders on the planet, Blanc tried to correct his mistake by reinserting Nasri and Menez. They spent a little while getting back into game readiness, and got there around the time they were trading jerseys with the Spanish.
Xabi scored another on a late penalty. Afterward, he raised two fingers to his teammates. They seemed just as surprised. The French stomped off to purse-fight in the dressing room. That’s two for them, too. Two tournaments they’ve ended by popping the pin on a grenade, then dropping it in their own their own flailing handbag.
The 2-0 result proved little about Spanish aspirations here. Unlike their other semifinal colleagues, Portugal and Germany, Spain has looked dour and purposeful here. An icebreaker compared to two catamarans. They looked like that in 2010, just before they were crowned world champions.
What this result assures is that the final four of this tournament will feature nothing but world football aristocracy: Portugal vs. Spain, Germany vs. either England or Italy.
Beforehand, the French would have thought themselves part of that group. They probably are. They now need to hire a manager who agrees.
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